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By Marla Coleman
Camp is a stepping-stone to self-reliance! It is probably the
only community that exists in which children can learn to navigate
on their own without well-intentioned parental course-plotting
to avert choppy waters. As a parent, I confess to the compelling
desire to negotiate smooth sailing for my own children. Yet,
over the years, as a camp director, I have witnessed, first-hand,
the incredible journeys of children who come to recognize their
own power in steering their own destinies. Opportunities for
decision-making and problem-solving at camp, which foster a culture
of success, allow children to discover their strengths and their
abilities to make good choices and to influence positive outcomes
for themselves.
After all, coaching kids to feel capable is what
camp directors do. Not quite as obvious but just as central is
their proficiency to coach parents to support their children
with just the right combination of back-up and encouragement.
Kids learn quickly to rely upon themselves and the adults they
trust at camp instead of their parents, who could be one hundred
miles away or more!
Ariel, a second-year camper, casually asked me
during camp, "Does my Mom still call every day?" She
and Mom had fallen into a predictable pattern: Ariel would tell
her mom about "what was wrong" (we know that kids
tend to "save" things for their parents!), and Mom
would dutifully call the camp to "fix" the problem.
They were each doing their "jobs." Carefully and
slowly, with appropriate guidance, Mom came to understand that
she was perpetuating a cycle that was preventing her daughter
from being independent. As trust increased, she started redirecting
her daughter's pleas, encouraging her to speak with someone
at camp who could more quickly and efficiently help her resolve
the situation — yet still validating Ariel's feelings.
I was gratified to answer Ariel's query: "Actually,
no," to which Ariel quickly responded: "That's
because I stopped complaining to her!" Lessons learned
for both parent and child! "Aha's" like this
happen every day at camp. How can parents and camps cooperate
to help children gain just the right degree of independence?
- Many camps have a designated contact person. During the decision-making
process of "which camp," ask questions that give
you an idea of the partnering and communication philosophy
of the camp and learn who the primary contact person is—build
rapport early.
- Remember that camp directors have a reservoir of experiences
to back their counsel to you. Know, too, that they have your
child's best interests at heart and the skill to guide
your child towards an appropriate level of independence, self-confidence,
and success.
- Keep in mind that kids often triumph over their adjustment
to a new environment before their parents can accept the next
stage of their development! Do not offer to rescue your child;
that only confirms for him that you believe he cannot cope
with something that is difficult.
- Get on board with the notion of supporting kids to solve
their own problems or asking a trusted counselor for help;
let her experience the real world in the camp setting, not
the one that you sculpt for her during the rest of the year.
Picture success!
- Admittedly, it is a leap of faith to let your baby bird fly
from the nest; it is the greatest gift you can bestow. The
key is to build the nest in a tree that gives you a sense of
security, so do your homework to find the right fit — there
is a camp for every child and a feeling of comfort for every
parent.
Marla Coleman is the parent liaison at Camp Echo in Burlingham,
New York. The immediate past president of the American Camp Association,
she is a co-owner of Coleman Family Camps, which includes Camp
Echo and Coleman Country Day Camp.
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